Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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