If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
