sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
