Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
