Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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