i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
