I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
