playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
