It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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