She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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