i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
