well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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