I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
