i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
