She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
