her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
