Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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