Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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