are you still at the devil's house?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
