Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
