I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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