I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
