I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize