imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
