Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it hurts more in the daytime
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
