My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
