So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
