she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
a search helicopter?!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
