guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
