Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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