The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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