I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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