My room smells like vodka and shame
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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