I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
