Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
