glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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