using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
