how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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