Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
