I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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