i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
