i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
