so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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