dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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