billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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