We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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