Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
