So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
