My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize