No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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