This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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