you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
