gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize