im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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