So drunk its hurt
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
