Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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