you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The struggles of a small town man whore
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm always down for nudity.
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