My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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