And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
