Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
