Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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