I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
