there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
