i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
