Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
be right there i have to get my cape
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
