meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
